Recognizing and Confronting Spiritual Abuse: My Experience at the Austin Stone

Yesterday, my experience at the Austin Stone was shared on the Bodies Behind the Bus podcast. The interview offers a sobering look at how spiritual abuse manifests in evangelical institutions. My experience at "The Stone" reveals the subtle yet devastating ways religious authority can be weaponized to control, marginalize, and harm congregants and staff members.

The Hidden Reality of Spiritual Abuse

I shared my experience during my approximately 8 years at the Austin Stone, including my early motivations for moving to Austin, the challenges I faced as a Mexican American in a predominantly white evangelical institution, and the barriers to leadership I encountered despite my qualifications. I discussed my experience raising support, internal cultural tensions, tokenism, health struggles tied to workplace stress, and the events that led to my departure from the staff. The interview highlights systemic issues within church leadership structures, particularly in relation to race, power, and access.

Tragically, my story illuminates a troubling pattern:

the leadership of The Austin Stone is complicit in creating a culture that allowed former pastor Aaron Ivey to commit abuse against at least four males and demonstrates how institutional spiritual abuse operates through systemic exclusion, tokenism, and power manipulation.

If you haven't had a chance to listen to the episode, you can do so below:

Understanding Spiritual Abuse

Spiritual abuse is:

"a distortion and exploitation of spiritual authority to manipulate, control, use, or harm others, mostly through shame and fear"

Most often, spiritual abuse takes advantage of people's vulnerability and good intentions to exploit them. Unlike physical abuse, spiritual abuse attacks the very core of a person's identity and relationship with the divine.

Spiritual Abuse, in its simplest form, is;

Using the Bible and God to cause shame and harm, leading to a breakdown in relationship between God, self, and others.

This form of abuse is particularly insidious because it weaponizes faith—something meant to bring healing and hope—as a tool of control and manipulation.

Key Warning Signs: Learning from My Experience

My story reveals several critical warning signs that individuals and communities should recognize:

1. Systemic Tokenism and Exclusion

I faced significant barriers to leadership despite my qualifications, experiencing what can only be described as institutional racism wrapped in religious language. Churches practicing spiritual abuse often:

• Make surface-level commitments to diversity while maintaining exclusive power structures
• Use marginalized individuals as tokens to project inclusivity
• Create impossible standards for advancement that disproportionately affect certain groups

2. Health-Damaging Workplace Stress

I experienced health struggles tied to workplace stress, which is a common consequence of spiritually abusive environments. In a spiritually abusive environment, people are often silenced and othered through a variety of tactics.

3. Gaslighting and Reality Distortion

Spiritually abusive leaders gaslight you into thinking you are crazy. They manipulate perception by:

• Dismissing legitimate concerns as "rebellion" or "lack of faith"
• Using biblical-sounding words, often called Christianese, to give themselves the appearance of being righteous, but they use this type of language to shame and diminish others
• Telling those who have brought up issues of abuse that they aren't "trusting God" enough or aren't "submitting with a meek spirit"

4. Authoritarian Leadership Structures

When churches regularly preach about and emphasize spiritual authority, you can be sure that trouble is around the corner. In an unhealthy church, the pastor or the highest levels of leadership functionally take the place of Jesus in people's lives.

Other warning signs include:

• Requiring unquestioning obedience with an implicit or explicit suggestion that this equates to obedience to God
• Using a sense of divine position to exert pressure to conform and suggesting this position is unchallengeable
• Demanding their way over your free will and scaring you with threats to your reputation if you don't comply

5. Isolation and Control Tactics

Spiritual abuse occurs when leaders encourage individuals, especially abuse victims, to distance themselves from outside sources of support. This occurs when clergy counsel victims not to report abuse to the authorities, or not attend support groups (or counseling) not sanctioned by the church.

Additional Red Flags to Watch For

Warning signs of spiritual abuse include intolerance for questions and doubts, using the Bible to arouse fear and rigid "us vs. them" binaries, and leaders who demand unwavering loyalty, often threatening anyone who doesn't comply with being cut off from the community or God.

Other concerning behaviors include:

• When ministry leaders view other orthodox ministries as competition rather than allies
• When ministry leaders are more concerned about their brand or territorial expansion than demonstrating the life and teachings of Jesus
• When ministry leaders rarely confess their mistakes and failures while frequently critiquing others

The Devastating Impact

Religious trauma can manifest in multiple ways, such as the manifestation of mental illnesses, such as anxiety disorder, depression, or eating disorders, and can cause long-term psychological damage.

Spiritual abuse often leaves victims with traumatized bodies, disordered imagination, and broken relationships, making the path to healing all the more challenging.

Taking Action: A Step-by-Step Guide

For Individuals Experiencing Spiritual Abuse:

1. Trust Your Instincts: Many people who are suffering from spiritual abuse feel they are bad people or not trusting God when questioning religious leaders. Remember that healthy faith communities welcome questions and promote growth, not fear.

2. Seek Outside Perspectives: If you're on the staff of a church, it can be difficult and much more complicated to identify spiritual abuse if you feel like something is off. Reach out to trusted people in your social network and ask for their thoughts from an outside perspective.

3. Document Everything: Keep records of incidents, conversations, and policies that concern you. This documentation can be crucial if you need to report abuse or seek legal action.

4. Build a Support Network: Connect with trusted friends, family members, or counselors outside the abusive environment. Appropriate and healthy support is essential.

5. Consider Professional Help: Talking with professionals about religious trauma can empower individuals to explore their religious experiences objectively, recognize if they're in an abusive environment, and engage in pertinent healing strategies.

6. Know When to Leave: You know it's time to leave when leadership deliberately disrespects you and leadership stands by and does nothing. But when you match that energy, leadership takes offense. That's not a table you are welcome at, and for your health and well-being, you need to leave.

The Path Forward

Healing from spiritual abuse is possible with time, therapy (lots of therapy), and truth-telling among people who are known and trusted. While the damage caused by spiritual abuse can be profound, recovery is possible.

An old Irish saying has been a balm to me as I've decided to share my story publicly,

"Tell the truth and shame the devil."

I believe Dr. King's words that history bends toward justice. My conviction is that spiritually abusive leaders should ALWAYS be exposed. All of the Storytellers from the Austin Stone, along with the work of organizations like Bodies Behind the Bus, demonstrate that silence is breaking and accountability is an outcome worth fighting for.

My experience at Austin Stone serves as a crucial reminder that spiritual abuse is not just about individual bad actors—it's about systemic problems within religious institutions that prioritize image over integrity and power over people. By recognizing these patterns and taking decisive action, individuals and communities can work together to create safer, healthier spaces where faith truly brings healing rather than harm.

The journey toward healing and justice is long, but stories like mine and those of the other storytellers prove that change is possible when survivors find their voices and communities choose to listen. As we move forward, let us commit to creating religious environments where all people can experience the divine love and acceptance that faith is meant to provide.

This article is based on my testimony from the Bodies Behind the Bus podcast, which centers on the voices of spiritual abuse survivors. If you or someone you know is experiencing spiritual abuse, please seek help from qualified professionals and support organizations.